Fear and Freedom

When does fear become a distant factor in the way that our lives are operated and maintained? When do we relinquish its hold that strangles our dreams, hopes, and aspirations? When does fear stop being a constant manipulator within our thoughts to the point that our steps become diluted illusions? Many of us have lost our footing, because of the catastrophes that fear engenders around us. Our purposes become confused, our vision becomes skewed, our dreams begin to only be meant for bed time, and our fascination with life becomes enumerated iota(s) that are meaningless.

Fear captures the essence of a man, or woman rather, from the beginning of their conception. Follow me on this point before becoming confused and dubious while hesitantly reading the rest this opine or well my opinion rather. Fear studies us in the way that it knows how to permeate our walls that we build sufficiently (or at the very least believe we have built sufficiently) to help us prevent such disastrous that fear leads us to and through. Fear provokes us to question our own gut instincts (superego and or conscience), it acidly strips away at the spark of confidence we hold onto within the grit of our fingernails, and it taints the fine line of trust, trust that we hold even within ourselves.

Emotions keep us implacable sometimes, distracting us from what is right and just, which fear is categorized as one of these emotions that does so.
Fear, which promotes worry, which in turns induces stress, which also solicits heart disease, cancer, and from diet pill commercial’s claims, belly fat as well, can none the less vigorously trigger the death of us all, in different fashions of course, but still familiar in taste. Fear is a silent killer, for in fact it gives us comfort at times, reminding us that our skin is there as goose bumps trickle up and down the outer layers of our crusted bodies. Fear escartz it way into our lives pretending to be a warning label to the unknown and perhaps the forbidden; it keeps us honest and alert it reassures us. In retrospect, it keeps us paralyzed in our stilted transformation, preventing progression and success. It lies to us about our end result if we put our worries aside and worked toward something bigger than ourselves; it tells us that we aren’t big enough or strong enough to play. It lies to our face, pretending to be a natural instinct, when in fact, it’s a habitual vexation that has found a welcoming home within our souls; clever imposture fear is. My heart says it’s not right, and I’m sure that I am not the only one that has felt the vibration from within, trying to convince ourselves of the unnaturalness of it all.

Each day, most of us, and though I am generalizing and speculating purely, do not take time to listen to and hear the morning whispers, or truly appreciate the day for rising again so un-expectantly. No, fear of whatever kept us tossing and turning towards each side of the darken night previously keeps us stubborn, ungrateful, distracted, and clustered with confusion. I heard a phrase this weekend that has a simplistic tone to it, and yet, a beauty that sings between each word; it goes: The morning breeze has something to tell you, do not go back to sleep. Interpret this however you see fit, for words are a mirror of our perception, perceive them in whatever way that gives you comfort, inspiration, and clarity. We all have selective understanding and we all choose to live at some point in time, the way that we live. You see, to me these words speak of letting go of any preconceived notions of a new today that replaced my yesterday, which merely means, letting go of my hindering fears of the past, so to not re-infect myself anymore. Just as we do with forgiving someone or something for whatever the situation may be, rather it be small, medium or large, we have to make the conscience ever to forgive every single time, not just once. So, as we do when we are faced with fears that hamper our process towards succession over an obstacle or an entity within our lives.

Choose to acknowledge self doubt, confusion, and diffidence for what they are, distractions from a bigger picture of happiness. Recognize, reconcile, and then release the fear that hinders us from a better future, because though days have become so disregarded and irrelevantly suspected, they may be endangered within a matter of time (time is truly of the essence for it is a virtue in its own right). Notably, we are nearly a peccadillo rather than a virtue, a spec in comparison to the bigger picture of this so called life.

Letting go of fear is experiencing a new taste to freedom.

Decisions Decisions ... Let's shoot for the galaxies, you and I

Confession: I began my walk with Christ without knowing I was walking with him. I was praying and praying to him to heal my family when I was 12 years old, and He used the people in my past memories to structure my new ones. It’s funny how he allows us to be used in certain ways. I’m thankful that my 2nd grade teacher had invited us to her church when I was 6, because when I asked my father to take me to church, we took her invitation; even if it was 6 grades later.

The decisions we make in life are so important because they shape our future. We get lucky that our mistakes don’t always corrupt our existence, but that can only happen if we learn from them. Every single aspect of our life is a teachable moment, a learning moment, an experiencing moment. When I was in the 8th grade, I began watching Joyce Meyers every morning while getting ready for school. Her choice to speak the word of God and encouragement found my ears, all because of the decisions we make in our life. What if she had chosen a different path in life at a different time, allowing her past demons, transgressions, or pain to re-infect her continuously? And perhaps, I had decided to listen to MTV or VH1 while getting dressed instead of her ministry, where would I be? Maybe my walk would not be so defined with God, maybe I would still be a newborn in Christ, and maybe my outlook on spirituality and designing the perfect destiny for me would not be so clear. The decisions we make even while we are younger shape, form, and rejuvenate parts of our lives, knowingly and unknowingly. It may seem unfair because of our innocence, our pureness, and the fact that our steps are currently placed in the hands of adults that haven’t quite figured out their own walk.

I want to encourage you to pay attention in life. Each step you make differs from the last and will differ from the next one you make. Although, it may seem as you are walking around in circles, making the same decisions, it’s not true. We hold our destinies in our hands, and this world is more profound then we give it credit. There is so much more to our lives then we ever experience, and that is because we allow the creation and manifestations of others, become our own. My life is mine and mine alone, it belongs to no one else but me. How often do we stop and think that this is my life, mine! How incredible is that? How has the pessimistic nature seeped into our minds that at times, we wish for it to be over, have something new, or despise it? We have a responsibility to ourselves and whatever responsibility you feel that you have, it’s yours to figure out; but that’s just it, figure it out.

Ask yourself what is my purpose, and don’t be afraid of the answer. Remember, I am huge on not interrupting yourself, but instead giving you time to speak inwardly. It may cause for you to step out of an indolent lifestyle, it may make you challenge your weakness which initiates fears that we may not want to face, but know that you are stronger than you probably give yourself credit for. Know that those moments of doubt, frustration, and aggravation can be controlled by controlling your mind, your thoughts, and your actions. When you control your mind, you are in control of your destiny, because your thoughts become different, which allow for your actions to become different; your entire outlook on life becomes something of anew. Live above the definition you have defined for yourself, because you will be surprised when you finally figure out that the sky limit really isn’t that far. Let’s shoot for the galaxies, you and I.

All I want ... is the world

Confession: All I want is the world ... to see its true beauty in every capacity, to make my moments last through laughter, joyful tears, and experiences that outweigh each passing one ...

I don't know ... I've been sitting on this line ... all I want is the world for a few days. I wrote the poem at the bottom, but I may make a part two. It lingers in my mind, and the statement itself does not contain a selfishness quality; it goes deeper than that. I hope you enjoy.

I hardly ever write in rhythm style so, this is something a little different for me. I'm a free thought open style type of writer. :o) Just a warning.

All I want is the world, is that too much to ask?
Experience life to its fullest, and all that it has.

All I want is the world, to hold pieces of it in my hand
Learning to fall in love, in whatever capacity I can.

All I want is the world, to feel happiness and forget the pain.
Memorizing even the smallest detail, for there is so much more to gain

All I want is the world, with you inside my walls.
For me to understand the concept, of what it really means to fall.

All I want is the world, to look into your eyes.
To lose myself inside of you, every blink offering an elaborate
or perhaps subtle surprise.

All I want is the world, to breathe in the heavens
and taste the flavors of the moon.
Standing still to watch the good parts, because Lord knows,
its over too soon.

All I want is the world, to hold your hand along the way.
To watch our souls become the best of friends, and to know, together,
we'll face the day.

All I want is the world, to carry new secrets,
shared only between us two.
Promising the nevers, making good on the always
pinkie swears, special shakes, to seal them or perhaps, renew.

All I want is the world, but only with you … is that too much to ask?

Who am I?

Confession: I've never felt hesitant to speak about defeat. It's in those defeating moments where I expose myself to vulnerability and exchange my weakness for strength.

I'm emotional, I'm a bit stubborn and sometimes too sentimental to let things go (and that applies to multiple arenas). Oh, and I can be an enemy, an enemy to myself.

I may be all of those things; nevertheless, I am also a successor. I am an over-comer and a determinate force that refines herself when faced with failure, because that is one thing I will NEVER become. The adage never say never has been optimistically promoted throughout time, becoming one of the most famous repetitive idioms of all time. One thing you should remember, as I often remind myself, there are always exceptions to the rules, and this happens to be one of them.

Who am I? I am a lot of things. Different aspects of me are lurking out of the shadows, revealing characteristics of myself on a daily occurrence; but what I have learned about who I am is, above all else, I am resilient.

I will always be the bit of bright green that springs from the crack of the earth, fighting to make room for who she is becoming.

Working out, accountability, and polygamy?????

This week is going to be different. I know I normally post my workout plan and the ending result, but that was seemingly boring to me ... so I am going to change it up. I am going to post daily and it is going to have my workout regime for the day.

Confession: I don't feel like working out, I don't feel like writing, and I don't feel like doing much of anything except reading.

Now that I have identifed that, I can tell you better that it is when you feel like not doing something the most is when you should do it. I am going to go to step, which will be a lot of fun. After step class I am going to attempt to run 2 miles and if I can manage out a third I will, if anything I will walk it. My attempt today is to work out for an hour and a half, but I need to put more running into it. Running is the only way I am going to be able to acheive the look I want and the health that I want. When you are already at a target weight and you are roaming around within the numbers that are acceptable to your body weight and height, it can be harder to achieve. However, I am making a change in my life for the better, so that I can feel confident in every aspect.

So, anyway ... I amg oing to head out here and leave you with some inspiration, my hopes and dreams for today, and a questions that does not pertain to working out, just for a conversational discussion aspect.

Every time I get on this blog and I am either trying to write about my emotions, figure things out through some awakening concept I have stumbled upon, or I am trying to keep myself accountable for working out, I look forward to you. I look forward to the person that is going to give me advice back, someone that is going to tell me that they know how I feel, or that they just enjoyed reading another perspective. I love words, I love writing, I love emotions, and I love exploring it all together under one roof. Thank you for being my accountability partner, I'm not sure if you knew you were mine or not. My dream today is to accomplish something that I have never done which is workout through step class and run three miles afterwards. I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes.

As far as my question, it is the same question I posted on my facebook: what are your thoughts on polygamy?

I've been watching sister wives and of course I am a huge fan of Big Love (great show, hated the ending) but it is interesting, intriguing, and a foreign concept to me. I just want to know what you think.

De-Clutter and Re-create your Life

Since this is a confessional blog, I am going to start every blog off (unless it is a piece of writing) with a confession.

Confession: I have a nasty habit of interrupting people when I am passionate about an issue or subject we are discussing. Not to make an excuse, it has nothing to do with whether or not I disagree or agree with them, but instead, it comes from the multiple fleeting thoughts that I do not want to forget, begging for a chance to be released through my words. So, I just spew them, and sometimes, with little regard of my conversational partner. If I have done this to you, maybe you understand me a little more now, and I offer a true heartfelt apology.

So, now that I have identified a personal issue that happens to be interrupting other people, I began to wonder does it interfere with me personally, in any other way. Of course it does, how could it not? Often, more times than not, we interrupt ourselves without even noticing; even if you have not developed a habit like mine. Does that mean we do not value our own voice, or is it something bigger? Have we been told to cool it, or quite down one too many times? Have we been shunned or ridiculed for opining? How many times have we allowed ourselves to not finish a complete thought, but instead, we jump to another subject. Perhaps, the notion you were thinking about was a bit too heavy at the time, maybe you didn’t have the answers, or maybe you weren’t asking the right questions; which leads me to my next point.

In order to stop cluttering our lives, we have to stop interrupting ourselves and really listen. Remove the useless antics, stop with the self-loathing that leads to self mutilating forms; rather it is a physical lashing (cutting, hitting, or even overeating) to a mental lashing (strong diffidence: wallowing in low self esteem, denying ourselves praises, or believing the negative from different sources including ourselves).

My interrupting habit has manifested itself into a form of interrupting myself. I wonder how many times have I tried to listen to God and I have interrupted even him. When you block yourself or allow occludes to be ever present in your life, hoping to defend yourself from multiple offenses, we often are closing ourselves off from other good things, positive results. Enigmatic thought, isn’t it? To be honest, it doesn’t have to be though. It all starts with the first step, recognition.

In order to de-clutter your life, you, me, all of us, need to stop interrupting ourselves and listen to the complete thoughts and reasons that come along with these momentous and profound heady-thought events. Take some time out to pamper yourself, and I suggest this because it allows you to connect with yourself. You began to realize what you like, what you don’t like. For example, get a manicure so you can start to begin to love the way your hands look, feel, and move. In those moments of pampering, you can relax and breathe, while listening to the inner you that has tons of things to say. Stop to watch your body, your expressions, and your laugh sometimes.

To upshot, yes, I’m wrapping it up, I just want to point out one more thing. In order to get over the bad things in life, we have to be able to listen to ourselves, and remove the baggage. Unpack your bag, you’re staying for more than one night, it’s okay because you are welcome. If you need to go inside of your closet and throw the old dresses, pants, or shirt (metaphorically speaking) do that as well, make room for a more refined you. Your mind, your body, your soul, and your spirit are all welcomed by you; at the very least they should be. If you do not invite yourself in, who else would not be hesitant to let you in; surely you can trust yourself, or do you not? Perhaps that is a question you should ask yourself. Let us all ask the right questions and not offer empty answers, because too often we do that as well. In the midst of bad moments, we all can find it hard to remember a good memory; it is sad that good memories are so fleeting. However, they do not have to be. Stop, look, and listen to yourself and that is when you can start the de-cluttering process of your life. I am not huge on selfishness, I believe in altruism; however, it is okay to take time out for YOU and not feel GUILTY ABOUT IT. So, I guess I am trying to say, it is not being selfish if you are being self serving, because the self serving is a stepping stone for you to start serving others. Think of how mentally freeing this world would be and at ease if we followed these simple steps.

Ask yourself, how you are doing and mean it. When you give an answer listen NOT just because the answer is important, but because your voice is important as well. This is not only a right, but a responsibility for all of us. Even if you have to complain to yourself, let it out; nevertheless, in the midst, find the source of this energy and stop it before it consumes who you are. Control your attributes and characteristics. Recreate your future by redesigning your today, and following through tomorrow. Make the commitment, every second, every minute, and every hour to be a better you. Simply, de-clutter.



Hi, I'm Trinity, and it's really nice to finally meet me. Clarity at its best, leads us to beauty moments like these:

March Madness Begins!!! OUT WITH THE FLABS AND IN WITH THE ABS!!

I am the type of person who quickly gets inspired.  It could be from a passing good act I was fortunate enough to witness, looking at a Victoria Secret's magazine and seeing a swimsuit I want to rock, or reading something Stormie Omarian wrote that got me fired up.  I am just that type of person, easily excited. 

So, this March Madness that I have in mind has nothing to do with basketball but everything to do with getting in shape.  I didn't claim or announce any New Years resolutions, because I liked the path that I was on at the end of last year; and to be honest, I wanted it to flow into this year. So, I saw no need to make any changes.  Anyway, last year I tackled a goal by running five miles without stopping, which is a huge accomplishment for me.  I have a husband that runs a 32 minute five mile, and I am barely making 50 minutes; but its a work in progress, no need to compare (his physical capabilities are ridiculous).  Last year, I said I wanted to do the Ranger standard (laughing out loud as I type this), which includes running a minimum 40 minute five mile, so basically I have a good two minutes to cut down on each one of my miles.  It isn't going to be pretty, but it is going to be amazing when I accomplish it.  This month, I vow to get it in the gym CONSISTENTLY, not spardoically like I have been doing.  I am fortunate enough to be at a decent ideal weight, but I want more.  Call it greed, overperfecting, whatever, I just want this for myself.

So, I am going to share my journey with you. My ups, downs, trials, and challenges I overcome, all of my girl emotions for your pleasure and viewing.  I am doing this because it will give me some sort of accountability.  The only time I have ever really cared about working out was if I had a pageant or something that I was preparing for, nothing else really inspired me. Oh and yea, my wedding.  Prior to that I was in high school cheerleading, and I was a dancer from the time I was a little girl; hence, weight not being a problem or a thing to even think about. Weight loss and me were foreign objects, not ever having to cross each other's path.  Nice, I know, but not the case anymore.

I am going to bare it all and perhaps along the way show you pictures.  I hope you stalk along and in the process, give me your support by sharing what works for you and tips that I can use. 

Look for beginning week regimes and ending week results.  My overall goal is to drop about 15 pounds.  I am 5'8, and I want to rock about a 125-130 weight goal.  The numbers don't matter to be honest, but I do know that I feel comfortable and really free at that weight, so that is why I mentioned it.

Final note, I realized before when I got into shape that it was about feeling good.  I know that sounds so cliche but it's true.  It is about feeling good and feeling proud of yourself as you shed the pounds.  I absolutely love myself right now, and I owe it to the self that I love so much, to get in shape and STAY healthy.  When I do have children, I plan on being able to live by example and hand them the same type of hardwork, love, drive, and motivation onto them.  If I can master something as hard or simple, depending on who you ask, the ability to control what goes into my mouth and inspire to get up and go do something about it, then well I am on the right track of setting good examples, I think at least.

So, let's show up for life together by being accountable.  I am starting here, today (leaving for pilates, spin class, and a 1-2 mile run) March Madness begins!